Football transfer rumours: Neymar to join Real Madrid?

Rob Smyth on 10 May 2018

Thing is, what nobody knows is that a young Neymar had a dream. “One day,” he told his imaginary friend, Cecil, “I’ll play for every single one of the G-14 superclubs.” If today’s rags are to be believed, he will move one step closer by acting in a sufficiently brattish manner to make Paris Saint-Germain wearily decide that life’s too short and sell him to Real Madrid.

If Neymar goes, PSG will endeavour to replace him with absolutely everybody, including Ryan Sessegnon. The Fulham sensation is also wanted by most of Her Majesty’s finest, including Spurs, Man Utd, Man City and Arsenal.

PSG’s interest in Sessegnon could have an impact on the great property tree that is the transfer market. United, Arsenal and Chelsea are desirous of PSG’s current left-back Layvin Kurzawa. And who knows what that might also mean for Danny Rose’s employment status?

Neymar, meanwhile, will be thrilled to hear that comically overrated galoot Edinson Cavani wants to follow him to Madrid – but he’ll be going to Atlético to replace Antoine Griezmann. For his part, Griezmann is wanted by, among others, Barcelona – who will sell weathered genius Luis Suárez if they get Madrid’s favourite Head and Shoulders shill.

One of Europe’s brightest talents, Ajax forward Justin Kluivert, is bound for Roma. As usual, Ajax will be pillaged this summer: the talented young defender Matthijs de Ligt could join Spurs or Man City or Bayern or Barcelona. The choice is his, or his agent’s. Another teenage defender, Porto’s Diogo Leite, is wanted by Liverpool, Man City, Arsenal and – breaking news! – millions of Football Manager junkies.

Arsenal are also keen to sign Bayer Leverkusen goalkeeper Bernd ‘Poor’ Leno to replace the ageing Petr Cech and the peak-age-but-not-entirely-fit-for-purpose David Ospina. Wayne Rooney is still bound for America, just as he was 24 hours ago, though Wolves may attempt to change his flight plans.

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Rooney’s current club, Everton, have already decided to thank Sam Allardyce for his 11/10 services and replace him with Marco Silva. If that happens, there will be no Pep/Big Sam dilemma for Norwich’s James Maddison. He is being monitored by Spurs, Arsenal, Everton and Man City.

Jack Wilshere will sign a new three-year contract with Arsenal, citing his desperation to play for whoever the next manager will be. Reports suggests it will be one of five men: Massimiliano Allegri, Patrick Vieira, Mikel Arteta, Joachim Löw or Tubes from Soccer A.M. Luis Enrique.

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